A Forgiving Spirit

Last night at Bible study, we were talking about forgiving ourselves and others. I had to admit that I do not have a forgiving spirit. It's very difficult for me to forgive. It seems to me that forgiving implies a certain amount of trust. If I forgive that person, then I have to trust them again. If I trust them again, then they will hurt me again. And nobody wants to be hurt again and again so if I don't forgive, then I don't have to trust. Right?

Actually, NO, not right! We teach in our Hope workshop that forgiveness is NOT forgetting. The old saying "forgive and forget" is not what needs to be done. Jud forgive. You don't have to forget. Forgiving is not condoning the other person did to you. It is not saying "oh, it's ok. Here hit me (or whatever) again." What it is saying is that I'm letting the anger and hatred out of my heart. We don't forgive for the other person. Often, as in the case with child abuse, the other person doesn't think they need to be forgiven. They won't admit that they did anything wrong. Forgiveness is for ourselves. We have to forgive that person for the mean, evil things they did or said, in order to get the hatred out of our own hearts.

When we leave hatred in our own hearts, it turns in to infection in our lives. Have you ever seen a wound that either wasn't cared for or was picked at over and over until it became infected. It build up a thick, gooey pus that turns yellow and green until until it spreads to other parts of the body. That's what hatred without forgiveness does. it gets infected and builds up until it infect the whole body and our entire life. We've got to cut it open and let the infected pus drain out. That's why we have to forgive. In order to let that disgusting infection leave our mind and our hearts. We will not be whole and healthy until we forgive.

No one says forgiving is easy, especially not me. Jesus tells us in Mark 11:25, "if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." We want, often expect, Jesus to forgive us of our sins. After all, that's why He died, right? Yes, He did die for or sins but He still expects us to forgive others even to 7 times 70. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Jesus knows what's best for us. He wouldn't have told us to forgive others if it wasn't to our benefit. Yes, forgiving others is the "Christan" thing to do but it's also the healthy thing to do. As I said, forgiving is not something that is easy for me to do. I have to work at it. I have to rely on Jesus to give me the strength (Phil. 4:13) that I need to forgive those who have hurt me. It's not an easy thing to do but it is worthwhile and, with Christ's help, I can and do, forgive others.

Mercy

What does mercy have to do with child abuse? God tell us in Michal 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?" "to love mercy." Well, HE should have shown me mercy when "he" beat me or took a 5 year old child to his bed or ... Yes, he should have but he didn't and that's not God's fault. God didn't tell the adult to abuse the child. Evil did that. So again...What does mercy have to do with child abuse? Mercy is what you -- the abused-- gives when you forgive your abuser. Mercy doesn't excuse what was done. Mercy doesn't undo it. Mercy is given to those who don't deserve it.

Jesus died on the cross for my sins but not because I deserved it. I only deserve to be punished for my sins. The men who sexually abused me when I was a little girl deserve to be punished for their sins but if I don't show mercy to them how can I expect God to show mercy to me?

Forgiveness is showing mercy to those who don't deserve it. It doesn't take away what was done or make it OK. It does take away the hatred that we have in our lives. If we ever want to have peace and love in our life, then we have to get rid of the hate. Don't let the hate control your life. Love mercy. Giving forgiveness is one way to show mercy. Not for them but for you. That's the only way to get rid of the hate: To show mercy. To love mercy.

Hope Abuse Support Group

The first meeting of the Hope Abuse support group will be tomorrow night, Monday, April 11 from 6:30-7:30 in the parlor of Immanuel Baptist Church. IBC is located at the corner of Central Ave and 25th St in Temple, Tx. We will meet each Monday for about an hour. This will be a group of women who have been abused, especially in childhood, but at any time of their life. At our first meeting, I will take some time to tell my story of abuse and how I have been able to escape from the captivity that leads to. We will have time to discuss some of the things that have happened to us and to express how we feel about those things. I hope to provide a safe environment where you will feel comfortable expressing yourself. You can be assured that whatever is said during the group time will be held in confidence. I am not a counselor and have not been trained in counseling. I am just a woman who has been there and come through it to the other side and to a life of joy. I hope you will be there to share.

Choose Joy

Philippians is my favorite book of the Bible and chapter 4 is my favorite chapter. There are so very many powerful verses in that chapter that it just speaks to me every time I read even a small part of it. Verse 4 tells us to “rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.”

Many things of this world give us so many daily problems. Many Americans have health problems--diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, various cancers. My dear friend since childhood, Sandra,who has stage 4 liver cancer, now is on oxygen all the time and has recently been diagnosed with walking pneumonia. While our nation is supposed to be recovering from severe economic problems, there are still many without jobs and those who have lost their homes due to foreclosure. We can look around the world and see fighting and unrest in so very many countries, like Libya, Egypt and many others. We see natural disasters such as the recent earthquake and tsunamis in Japan and elsewhere. We sometimes wonder, “what in the world is there to rejoice about?”

As if that’s not enough, statistics tell us that “almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. Bell County (where I live) ranks fifth in the state of Texas for deaths from child abuse. Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions (in fact, fundumental religious groups, such as Baptists have some of the highest percentages of abuse) and at all levels of education. The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 was 104 billion dollars. While the deaths from child abuse are tragic, abuse has a profound effect on the victims of abuse even after they become adults. 36% of all women in prison were abused as children. Adults who were abused as children suffer from eating disorders, low self-esteem, a sense of guilt, feelings of shame, nightmares, flashbacks, even PTSD, and so much more.

It’s a fact that men and women who were abused as children have many problems in adulthood because of that abuse. You could look at my childhood of sexual abuse and wonder “what does Judy have to rejoice about?” I am and have been for a long time, a joyful person. Jesus has filled my heart with joy since I was 7 years old. Oh yes, I’ve had times when I’ve had to fight against depression. I’ve had to battle terrible nightmares, anxiety attacks, feelings of guilt and shame and more problems. There have been some rough times in my life but Jesus has always been with me. As a young woman, I was so blessed of God that He gave me such a wonderful husband who would help me work through these problems. God gave me a man who loved Him and who knew how to love me. If I had nothing else good in my life, that would be enough to rejoice about. God has given me more though.

The attitude that we take about our life will have a profound effect on our happiness or lack of happiness. We can choose to be miserable and make all those around us miserable or we can choose to see the joy in our lives. My friend, Sandra who has cancer, has many reasons to give up on life right now and to be miserable. She chooses not to do that. She doesn't want to be miserable and make all of those around her miserable also. She chooses to praise Jesus and thank Him for each day that He gives her. We hope that she will have many more days on this earth to praise God but we can know that however many days He gives her, she is going to make the best of it. It is up to each person as to what we will make of our lives. Yes, sometimes life gives us a raw deal because of diseases or because of a childhood of abuse but it is still up to us to choose what we will do with our life. I may not have every little thing that I want but I do have all that I need. And I choose to have joy in my life.

If you look at your life, no matter how difficult or bad it is, I’m sure you can find something to rejoice about. The thing is that no matter what kind of a life we have, we can choose how we will approach our life. We can choose to be bitter, mean and hateful and to hate everything about our life if we wish. We can make ourselves and everyone around us miserable. We can choose to tolerate our lives because we don’t have too many other choices and just move through each day not really making any difference to anyone. Or we can choose to “rejoice in the Lord.” Not just because the Bible commands it but because we choose it. We can choose joy.