A Shepherd's Sister Remembers

This is a monolog that I have written and performed at my church. It is original with me. You have my permission to use it free of charge at your own church, if you wish. I only ask that you give me credit for the original script. It was written to be performed by a women 40 + years old. It takes about 6 1/2 minutes to perform.

Life goes by so quickly. Here I am now--a grandmother. But still, it seems like just a few days ago when my brother, Josiah, came running into the house talking about the angels he and his friends had seen. Abba was so angry with Josiah for leaving the flock and coming into town. My father owned one of the flocks that was kept on the outskirts of town and used for the temple sacrifices. It was Josiah’s job to watch the flocks and protect them from the wild animals in the area. My usually calm father raised his voiced and shouted at Josiah. In this day of increased taxes, we could not afford to lose any sheep to wolves or lions while my brother was traipsing around town with his friends. But no, Josiah insisted that was not what he had done. Abba wouldn’t listen. He just stormed off to see about his precious sheep.
Later when all was quiet, Josiah told me about the angels and the baby. He said that he was with the other shepherds out on the hillside watching the sheep. Micah was softly playing his lyre to lull the sheep to sleep when suddenly a bright light appeared in the heaven. They looked up and there was a magnificent angel in the sky above them. They were so afraid. What would the angel do? Had they done something so terrible that Jehovah would send an angel to strike them all dead? Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
Josiah looked at the others. Had they heard the same thing he had? Then suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “ Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” Again, Josiah looked at his friends. Elkanah, who was the oldest of the shepherds there said “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.”
My brother followed Elkanah, Micah and the others and they went immediately and found the baby. He told me that it was just as the angel had told them. There was this tiny, newborn baby lying in the manger. As Josiah looked at Him, he could tell that this was a very special baby. I remember how excited my brother was that night knowing that he had seen the messiah.
Now, it’s been over 30 years. Not long ago, I was with a group on the hillside listening to his man from Galilee. They said his name is Jesus. He’s so inspiring. He speaks with such wisdom and authority. At the time, I thought surely this man was the same precious baby that my brother, Josiah, had seen, the messiah. But now…so much has happened. Our Jewish leaders have been so opposed to Him. They say He blasphemes, that He is just an ordinary man, not our messiah. And then there was that trial! Humph! Some trial. The witnesses are known liars. They’ll say anything for a few coins. But He was convicted. He was beaten and then forced to carry his cross up the hill. I stood in the crowd and watched as he fell from the weight of it. I know I should have done something but I was so afraid of the Roman guards. I just stood and watched as they crucified this innocent man.
What hope do we have now? The man who we thought would save us from the Romans is dead. The Pharisees and Sadducees have won with all their legalistic rules and laws. There’s no one… (speaker turns head to listen to someone off stage)
What? What are you saying? He lives? How is that possible? I saw him die? (listens again) Yes, yes I know who Mary Magdalene is. She’s one of Jesus’ followers. Mary says Jesus is alive? (pause) He’s risen from the grave? (face slowly turns to joy) How is that possible? (pause) Hundreds have seen him and talked to Him? (softly) He lives. (louder) He lives. (Raise hands and shout) He lives!
Scripture from Luke 2:9-20 NKJ

Modern day Knights

The world has always needed knights in shining armor to rescue damsels in distress. I had a shrink tell me one time that women didn't need that but it didn't take me real long to figure out that he didn't know what he was talking about. No, a woman in the 21st century doesn't have to have a man to make her complete. God can handle that just fine without any extra help. A woman today can do whatever she sets her mind to do and God is the only One she needs to help her. It's just that no one person can know how to do everything so when things come up that she can't do herself, it's nice to be able to call on a knight to come to the rescue.

A knight is a person who you can call at any time and he will stop what he's doing so he can go help you. (Actually, a woman could be a knight too but for this piece, I'm using the male gender.) Another quality of a knight is that he doesn't expect anything in return except maybe a thank you. He doesn't expect anything because he already knows that God is going to provide for his every need anyway and it's his job just to try to follow God's lead. That lead sometimes takes him to knight status.

I'm fortunate to have one of those knights living in my house. I'm married to him. I know that my younger sister, Mary, and my dear friend, Marian, would both grant him knighthood if they had the power. Mary has been a widow for 20 or so years and has called for help from our local knight numerous times. She's brought old, beat up lawn mowers by the house for him to fix. She's called for his help when water pipes broke. She's had him repair her car when they wouldn't run and she's taken him along to help pick out newer cars when she had the money to buy them and even when she didn't have the money. My dear friend, Marian, know that when she can't get her car to start at the park or along the side of the road that she can call and David will be Johnny on the Spot to take care of things. They both know that because that's what he does. In his quiet time, he asks God to show him who He wants him to help. God always shows him and David always tries to follow God's lead.

In the years when I was still in the classroom, David would come to school to help a lot of second graders. He helped them load trailers with newspapers and magazines to be recycled. He helped them cart out pet food they had collected for animal shelters, and he build a reading loft for them to enjoy as they read. He never considered himself a teacher to them. He said that was my job. But he did teach them by the example of a man that he showed them when he came into our classroom to help.

My knight in shining armor has always been available to help when anyone needed help. He has helped many widows we know from church, women stranded in parking lots, young people who have needed a variety of types of help and even little kids who he has cleaned up after. If it was times of distress, he was available to help. If it was times when assistance was needed, he was available. He was never a knight to fight windmills and maybe not even dragons, but he has always been one to give help when and where needed, whether it involved his doing physical work or just providing emotional or financial support when needed.

Knights today don't have to kill dragons, fight off black knights, or swim moats. Knights today have to be available when help is needed just like they did when they ran around with King Arthur. They just don't wear suits of armor and shining helmets. Sometimes they wear coveralls or blue jeans but they still are available and searching for those who God shows them that need a little extra help.

Turn the world upside down

Matthew 16:24-27

New King James Version (NKJV)

Take Up the Cross and Follow Him

 
²⁴ Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ²⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. ²⁶ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? ²⁷ For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.

I'm borrowing from my pastor's sermon yesterday. Pastor Ron told us that Christianity is "a paradox that is counter-intuitive and counter-cultural." Christianity totally flips the world's values upside down. The world ask the questions "what's in it for me? What can I get out of it?" If it doesn't benefit me, then I don't want to be involved in it. We even have a generation of young people who I've heard called the "me" generation. The me generation...That's because all they think about it "what's in it for me?"

Christianity turns the question around, upside down with the question "what's in it for the other guy? What would please my neighbors?" That is totally opposite to the world's way of thinking. The world doesn't care about their neighbor any more that how it will benefit them.

In my understanding, as a Christian, we don't achieve our ultimate happiness by getting all that we want but rather by giving all that we have. WHOA! Giving all that we have? What will be left for me?? I don't know about this Christian stuff, then, if I've got to give it all to someone else. Hold on now. Before you totally freak out, you've got to understand that the more you give away, the more happiness and joy you receive. It may sound strange to society's way of thinking but in the heavenly kingdom, that's the ONLY way of thinking. We all want to have a happy life. We all want self-satisfaction. The Rolling Stones sang

"I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no "  Self-satisfaction can not be achieved through money or the things money can buy. Oh sure, money can bring temporary satisfaction but lasting joy, peace and satisfaction in life can only come through Jesus Christ.

Jesus wasn't satisfied with giving just a little here or a little there. He didn't have a 50/50 relationship with people. Jesus gave 100% of himself so that we could have the things we need and have the joys of this life. Jesus gave His very life for us. He died on the cross to pay for MY sins so that I don't have to pay for them. He died on the cross for YOUR sins too. All you have to do is just accept the free gift that He gives you. When you have Jesus at the center of your life you will have the inward joy that gives true happiness whether you've got the money of Bill Gates or a homeless bum. And isn't that inward joy what really gives us Sa-tis-fac-tion?

Time in prison

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37 NKJ

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jeremiah 29:11

I gave my testimony last night at the state prison in Gatesville. Satan has been fighting against me speaking there. This was the third time I was scheduled. The first two times, the prison was on lock down for various reasons and no one was allowed in. Last night I finally made it there. I was told that the guards could stop me at any time to do a count. It is usually done once during their chapel time. I was stopped 3 time for prisoner count last night. Truly Satan did not want the ladies to hear what I had to say.

I must say that was probably the best speech I've ever done. Despite the counts and the barred wire on top of the 12 foot chain link fences, I truly felt God at work. I really left my script more than I ever had before. God was giving me His words to say. After I spoke, they broke into small groups and I had a chance to meet several of the ladies. I have no idea of why they are in prison but many of them have come to know Jesus while they've been there. In that respect, prison has turned their lives around.

The ladies I met were absolutely awesome. Some of them know far more scripture than I do even with my years of church and bible studies. Many of them walked up to me and said that i had "told the story of their life." One young woman who is still struggling told me some of her story. Her story makes mine look like a walk in the park. Not only was she sexually abused by her father, but also by other men in the household. During this same time she was physically abused by her mother. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she told me tid bits of her life. She was clearly wanting me to tell her how to get past all of this abuse.

The truth is that even after you accept Jesus into your life, everything doesn't automatically become better after your dip in the waters of baptism. It still takes time. Jesus IS there with us and for us but He does not wipe away all of our past. To be a servant to Him we have to learn how to face down the past. We have to learn how to stand up to it and that takes time. We have to look those pains in the face and tell them that Satan will not win. Jesus has already won the victory of us(Rom. 8:37). We just need to reach the point where we accept that the victory I already won. Some people can do it in just a few years. For some, like me, it takes years of facing it day by day before we are ready to accept it. God has a plan for us and He will give us hope in our final outcome. (Jer. 29:11) We just need to remember that that final outcome may not be today but it will be in God's time.

A Forgiving Spirit

Last night at Bible study, we were talking about forgiving ourselves and others. I had to admit that I do not have a forgiving spirit. It's very difficult for me to forgive. It seems to me that forgiving implies a certain amount of trust. If I forgive that person, then I have to trust them again. If I trust them again, then they will hurt me again. And nobody wants to be hurt again and again so if I don't forgive, then I don't have to trust. Right?

Actually, NO, not right! We teach in our Hope workshop that forgiveness is NOT forgetting. The old saying "forgive and forget" is not what needs to be done. Jud forgive. You don't have to forget. Forgiving is not condoning the other person did to you. It is not saying "oh, it's ok. Here hit me (or whatever) again." What it is saying is that I'm letting the anger and hatred out of my heart. We don't forgive for the other person. Often, as in the case with child abuse, the other person doesn't think they need to be forgiven. They won't admit that they did anything wrong. Forgiveness is for ourselves. We have to forgive that person for the mean, evil things they did or said, in order to get the hatred out of our own hearts.

When we leave hatred in our own hearts, it turns in to infection in our lives. Have you ever seen a wound that either wasn't cared for or was picked at over and over until it became infected. It build up a thick, gooey pus that turns yellow and green until until it spreads to other parts of the body. That's what hatred without forgiveness does. it gets infected and builds up until it infect the whole body and our entire life. We've got to cut it open and let the infected pus drain out. That's why we have to forgive. In order to let that disgusting infection leave our mind and our hearts. We will not be whole and healthy until we forgive.

No one says forgiving is easy, especially not me. Jesus tells us in Mark 11:25, "if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." We want, often expect, Jesus to forgive us of our sins. After all, that's why He died, right? Yes, He did die for or sins but He still expects us to forgive others even to 7 times 70. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Jesus knows what's best for us. He wouldn't have told us to forgive others if it wasn't to our benefit. Yes, forgiving others is the "Christan" thing to do but it's also the healthy thing to do. As I said, forgiving is not something that is easy for me to do. I have to work at it. I have to rely on Jesus to give me the strength (Phil. 4:13) that I need to forgive those who have hurt me. It's not an easy thing to do but it is worthwhile and, with Christ's help, I can and do, forgive others.

Mercy

What does mercy have to do with child abuse? God tell us in Michal 6:8 "He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?" "to love mercy." Well, HE should have shown me mercy when "he" beat me or took a 5 year old child to his bed or ... Yes, he should have but he didn't and that's not God's fault. God didn't tell the adult to abuse the child. Evil did that. So again...What does mercy have to do with child abuse? Mercy is what you -- the abused-- gives when you forgive your abuser. Mercy doesn't excuse what was done. Mercy doesn't undo it. Mercy is given to those who don't deserve it.

Jesus died on the cross for my sins but not because I deserved it. I only deserve to be punished for my sins. The men who sexually abused me when I was a little girl deserve to be punished for their sins but if I don't show mercy to them how can I expect God to show mercy to me?

Forgiveness is showing mercy to those who don't deserve it. It doesn't take away what was done or make it OK. It does take away the hatred that we have in our lives. If we ever want to have peace and love in our life, then we have to get rid of the hate. Don't let the hate control your life. Love mercy. Giving forgiveness is one way to show mercy. Not for them but for you. That's the only way to get rid of the hate: To show mercy. To love mercy.

Hope Abuse Support Group

The first meeting of the Hope Abuse support group will be tomorrow night, Monday, April 11 from 6:30-7:30 in the parlor of Immanuel Baptist Church. IBC is located at the corner of Central Ave and 25th St in Temple, Tx. We will meet each Monday for about an hour. This will be a group of women who have been abused, especially in childhood, but at any time of their life. At our first meeting, I will take some time to tell my story of abuse and how I have been able to escape from the captivity that leads to. We will have time to discuss some of the things that have happened to us and to express how we feel about those things. I hope to provide a safe environment where you will feel comfortable expressing yourself. You can be assured that whatever is said during the group time will be held in confidence. I am not a counselor and have not been trained in counseling. I am just a woman who has been there and come through it to the other side and to a life of joy. I hope you will be there to share.

Choose Joy

Philippians is my favorite book of the Bible and chapter 4 is my favorite chapter. There are so very many powerful verses in that chapter that it just speaks to me every time I read even a small part of it. Verse 4 tells us to “rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.”

Many things of this world give us so many daily problems. Many Americans have health problems--diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, various cancers. My dear friend since childhood, Sandra,who has stage 4 liver cancer, now is on oxygen all the time and has recently been diagnosed with walking pneumonia. While our nation is supposed to be recovering from severe economic problems, there are still many without jobs and those who have lost their homes due to foreclosure. We can look around the world and see fighting and unrest in so very many countries, like Libya, Egypt and many others. We see natural disasters such as the recent earthquake and tsunamis in Japan and elsewhere. We sometimes wonder, “what in the world is there to rejoice about?”

As if that’s not enough, statistics tell us that “almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. Bell County (where I live) ranks fifth in the state of Texas for deaths from child abuse. Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions (in fact, fundumental religious groups, such as Baptists have some of the highest percentages of abuse) and at all levels of education. The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 was 104 billion dollars. While the deaths from child abuse are tragic, abuse has a profound effect on the victims of abuse even after they become adults. 36% of all women in prison were abused as children. Adults who were abused as children suffer from eating disorders, low self-esteem, a sense of guilt, feelings of shame, nightmares, flashbacks, even PTSD, and so much more.

It’s a fact that men and women who were abused as children have many problems in adulthood because of that abuse. You could look at my childhood of sexual abuse and wonder “what does Judy have to rejoice about?” I am and have been for a long time, a joyful person. Jesus has filled my heart with joy since I was 7 years old. Oh yes, I’ve had times when I’ve had to fight against depression. I’ve had to battle terrible nightmares, anxiety attacks, feelings of guilt and shame and more problems. There have been some rough times in my life but Jesus has always been with me. As a young woman, I was so blessed of God that He gave me such a wonderful husband who would help me work through these problems. God gave me a man who loved Him and who knew how to love me. If I had nothing else good in my life, that would be enough to rejoice about. God has given me more though.

The attitude that we take about our life will have a profound effect on our happiness or lack of happiness. We can choose to be miserable and make all those around us miserable or we can choose to see the joy in our lives. My friend, Sandra who has cancer, has many reasons to give up on life right now and to be miserable. She chooses not to do that. She doesn't want to be miserable and make all of those around her miserable also. She chooses to praise Jesus and thank Him for each day that He gives her. We hope that she will have many more days on this earth to praise God but we can know that however many days He gives her, she is going to make the best of it. It is up to each person as to what we will make of our lives. Yes, sometimes life gives us a raw deal because of diseases or because of a childhood of abuse but it is still up to us to choose what we will do with our life. I may not have every little thing that I want but I do have all that I need. And I choose to have joy in my life.

If you look at your life, no matter how difficult or bad it is, I’m sure you can find something to rejoice about. The thing is that no matter what kind of a life we have, we can choose how we will approach our life. We can choose to be bitter, mean and hateful and to hate everything about our life if we wish. We can make ourselves and everyone around us miserable. We can choose to tolerate our lives because we don’t have too many other choices and just move through each day not really making any difference to anyone. Or we can choose to “rejoice in the Lord.” Not just because the Bible commands it but because we choose it. We can choose joy.

Calm in the Storm

Psalms 107:23-30 NKJ
23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
24 They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
25 For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
26 They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
29 He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
30 Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
Verse 29 Amplified29He hushes the storm to a calm and to a gentle whisper, so that the waves of the sea are still.

This past week Cheri’s family had a lot all at once. Thirteen month old Logan had swallowed a penny and it lodged in his esophagus for 4 days. He to be taken to the ER and the doctors decided surgery was necessary to remove it. Then they were concerned that Logan might have a hole in his esophagus so that was another concern. In the meantime, Logan’s mommy, Daphene, was in labor and delivery giving birth to Logan’s new brother, Eli. Well, Eli was breech so there was more reason to worry with an emergency C-section. It seems like a lot for one family to have to endure at once but they did. Logan is home with his daddy Rick and grandma Cheri and Eli will be home soon with his mommy and the whole family.
It can make one wonder how a family can survive so much at one time. When we look at the scripture in Psalms 107:23-30, we can see who is in charge. The Lord God “commands and raises the stormy wind.: He is the One who is ultimately in charge in difficult times. He doesn’t cause all of our problems but He is still the One in charge. And He is the One who brings us out of our distress--our times of trouble, our problems and worries. Just as Jesus calmed the storm on the Sea of Galilee in Matthew 8,
He calms the waves of the storms in our lives. Cheri’s family knew they could trust the doctors at our hospital but more importantly, they knew that they could trust Jesus to “guide them to their desired haven.”
When I look at the abuses of my childhood, I know that God didn’t make these men make the bad choices to sexually abuse my sisters and I. That was Satan’s doing. But it still happened and I had to deal with the results of that for a long time. While I didn’t feel I could trust my earthly father, I knew I could trust my Jesus. There have been many storms in my life. Jesus never promised that we would not have storms, He just promised that He would always be with us. Jesus has always been with me in the times of high winds and waves and in the depths of my personal seas. Jesus has calmed the waves for me and has led me to my desired haven. Look to Him and He will lead you also to your desired haven.

Unconditional Love

Jesus loves us unconditionally. That means that we don't have to do anything to earn his love. We can't be good enough or do enough good stuff or study the Bible enough or give enough money to the church for Jesus to love us. God loves us just because He loves us. The Bible tells us "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." – 1 John 4:9-11 Jesus died on the cross for our sins so that we could have eternal life in heaven with Him.

Ok, so how does that tie in to child abuse? There are basically 4 types of abuse -- physical, sexual, verbal and emotional abuse. Which is the worst type of abuse? It’s the on that YOU are going through! Statistics tell us that “almost five children die everyday as a result of child abuse. Bell County (right here where we live) ranks fifth in the state of Texas for deaths from child abuse. Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education. The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 was 104 billion dollars.(www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics) While the deaths from child abuse are tragic, abuse has a profound effect on the victims of abuse even after they become adults. 36% of all women in prison were abused as children. Adults who were abused as children suffer from eating disorders, low self-esteem, a sense of guilt, feelings of shame, addictions, nightmares, flashbacks, even PTSD, and so much more.

I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior at Vacation Bible School when I was 7 years old. My mother told me I was too young to understand what I was doing and didn’t allow me to be baptized until I was 11 years old. Because of that, I had some confusion about it for a time but I have no doubt in my mind now that I asked Jesus into my heart at age 7. Jesus was always with me after that. He put many adults in my childhood who knew Him and loved Him enough to pick me up for church on Sundays when no one else in the house attended church. There were adults who helped me make it to church camp in the summers. Christ always had adults around me to help me see Christ’s love. They didn’t know what was going on in my home but they knew that Jesus wanted them to show me His love. I could name so many people, like Mr. and Mrs. Roy Johnson (no relation). Mr. and Mrs. Johnson picked me up for Sunday School and worship service every Sunday. I don’t remember how long they continued to pick me up. It just seems that they were always there on Sunday morning. I got to go to a class of kids my age, many of them I knew from school. Then I got to go into the church for a worship service. At the end of that I knew the Johnsons would take me back home, where I belonged, back to the abusers. I wouldn’t have wanted them to do anything else. Jesus Christ was using these people and others like them throughout most of my life to show and to teach me about what unconditional love was all about.

I was so lucky, also, that He gave me the most wonderful man in the world to be my husband. David loved me no matter what I did. I know that most women who have been abused have not been as lucky as I have been to marry a man who truely understands what unconditional love is. Most women have a tendancy to marry a man like their father  and in the case of my 2 sisters, and many others, those were abusive men. When we turn our lives over to Jesus, He doesn't promise us a rose garden. We will still have problems in our life. He just promises that He will always be with us and will continue to love us, no matter what. Jesus Christ is the only way to really experience unconditional love here on earth. He will love you for who you are, not for what you can do or for what you will become.

Release from captivity

There are so many forms of captivity in this world. Usually when we think about captivity in a church setting, we think of the Israelites being held captive in Egypt or Babylon. Something along that line. We might also think of slavery in any of its many forms, like prior to the Civil War in our own country or we might see programs on TV about human trafficking or forms of captivity in third world countries. We don’t often think about the captivity that some of us feel inside who we are. Captivity that may have come because of a childhood of abuse.

Actually, a childhood of abuse teaches a person many things. It teaches you that the people who are supposed to love you can’t be trusted. It teaches you that there are very few safe places in the world. In fact, the only safe places are the places that no one else knows about-- the hidden, secret places. It teaches you that there is a lot of pain in the world. It teaches you that if you shut up, be quiet and don’t cause any problems that maybe, just maybe, you might not be noticed. If you’re not noticed, maybe they will forget about you and you won’t be hurt again.

I was sexually abused from the time I was 6 years old until after I was 15. The abuse occurred for about 9 years. The captivity lasted for over 40 years. The first abuse was by a family friend we called Uncle Charlie and, later by my own father. I got my drivers license when I was 15. I had an old 1954 Ford station wagon that I called Granny Goodwitch. (that was from a commercial that was popular at the time) With Granny Goodwitch I had some freedom. Mother was very active in volunteer work and was gone at least one evening a week and often on weekends. I learned how to always have school or church activities that I drove myself to when she wasn’t home. If I was home with just Daddy, then he would take me to his bed. I don’t know where my brothers and sisters were during this time (there were 6 of us) but I learned how to volunteer for activities early.

God has had His plans for each one of us from before time began. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Sometimes when we’re going through the problems, it’s hard to see that God really does have a plan for us. You think, “how could a loving God have planned for any kind of child abuse?” God doesn’t plan that. He gives each person the freedom to make his own choices. A few verses further He tells us about more of his plan when He says “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity.” “and I will bring you back from your captivity.” I was held captive for so many years by my memories, self doubts and negative thoughts. It took a long time for me to allow Jesus to release me from my captivity. Come back next week, and I will share with you about how Jesus and the Christians that He put in my life helped to teach me about unconditional love and how that unconditional love truely released me from my captivity.